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  • Writer's pictureAlexis McLaughlin

Weird Girl from Class of '09 Experiences Renaissance During High School Reunion

Updated: Nov 30, 2022

Feeling a sensation she describes as "a spiritual ascension to the Cool Table," Emma Schwartz is experiencing an inexplicable skyrocket in appeal at her high school reunion.


Schwartz, a notorious "weird girl" in her graduating class, is baffled by the warm reception being given by the same peers who once mercilessly ridiculed and ostracized her every waking moment of her academic career.


“I kept thinking it was a prank when it first started happening,” Schwartz says of her skepticism. “But no! All these people that terrorized me for playing Gaia Online and watching One Piece keep treating me like they view me with respect or acknowledge our shared humanity! I can’t explain it.”


Timothy Feher, one of Schwartz’s most relentless tormentors, recalls their high school years together fondly. “Emma was always such a bright, funny girl--just a lot of fun to be around."


With seemingly no memory of scrawling the words "dyke pig" across her locker in sophomore year, Feher recalls his classmate's shy but endearingly quirky nature.


"We never really gave her the props she deserved since she kept to herself a lot, but I always admired the way she stood out."


Bridget McNeil, a middle-school friend of Schwartz's who ditched her early in freshman year for owning too many Salad Fingers T-shirts, remembers her classmate as "a really sweet person" with an "awesome sense of style."


"I really wish we hung out more back then," laments McNeil, who routinely invited their peers to weekend ragers while pretending Schwartz wasn't sitting right in front of her. "We just didn't run in the same circles."


Schwartz, who now theorizes that her social renaissance is linked to her interests, aesthetic, and personality type finally becoming mainstream instead of “for gay losers,” is assessing the situation with ambivalence.


"On the one hand, being treated like a person of value is kind of a thrill. But because it stems from a slavish worship of what's trendy, by people that didn’t care if I lived or died until maybe an hour ago, it's taking some of the shine off of things.”


After a moment's reflection, Schwartz concludes: "It's a little weird being hit on by your former bullies."


"It's been so good reconnecting with her," says Feher with a smile. "I really hope we can keep this up after tonight."


At press time, Feher plans to proposition Schwartz for a handjob under the same staircase where he'd routinely knock her books to the ground on her way to Biology.


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