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  • Writer's pictureAlexis McLaughlin

Old Yeller Refuses To Get Rabies Vaccine Before Doing His Own Research

Three days after fighting off a vicious wolf to save his master, local dog Old Yeller has declined to receive a rabies vaccine before "weighing the risks against the benefits" of the shot.

"You just don't know what's in that stuff," explained Yeller of his reservations, before adding, "sometimes the cure is worse than the disease!"

Yeller, between sudden, shrill barks at nothing, stated his intention to do his own research into the vaccine's ingredient list. Citing Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the British physician whose medical license was revoked after his research linking autism with the Measles Mumps Rubella vaccine was proven false, Yeller expressed his disgust with "Big Pharma" and their drive to create an endless cycle of illness and cures "to line their fat pockets."

"Have you ever looked into the flu shot?" Yeller asked while pacing in wobbly circles. "One word: mercury. Did you hear that? Mercury. And they think that is gonna keep us from getting sick."

As food began falling from his now-paralyzed mouth, Yeller concluded through profuse salivation: "It's all upside-down."

At press time, the yellow cur was lying prostrate while mumbling incoherently about "suppression in the CDC", as his boy Travis began fishing around for the family rifle.

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