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  • Writer's pictureAlexis McLaughlin

Nurses Appalled By Mom-to-Be’s Request to Have Her Uncle Dave in Delivery Room

Updated: Apr 1, 2021

Gagging at what they call "an ungodly concept," Labor and Delivery nurses at Maimonides Medical Center are horrified by one mom-to-be's request to have her Uncle Dave present during the birth of her child.


"Soooo…not her mom. Not her sister. Even her dad, I can kind of get behind. But her Uncle Dave?" asked L&D Nurse Janice Tull incredulously. "Wooooow. That's a family tree I am not climbing up."


Speculating at how close an adult woman and her uncle can be without some Flowers in the Attic-type narrative as a backdrop, staff members reported feeling "shudders down their spines" at the new mom's excitedness for her dad's brother being her birth coach.


"You see a lot of things working in this ward," began Head Nurse Rita Sutherland. "But I’ve been continuously choking back vomit each time he cheers her on through a contraction."


Wincing as the titular Dave's voice traveled into the hallway, Sutherland concluded: "Grandma and Grandpa got shafted."


Though in the face of brutal opposition from staff and humanity at large, this uncle remains devoted during his niece's biggest moment.


"It's such a beautiful, intimate event: the beginning of life," cooed Uncle Dave with a concerningly mischievous glint in his eyes. "And any way that I can be a part of this," he continued breathily, peering over the brim of his sunglasses, "is my greatest pleasure." He proceeded to give his laboring niece a lower back massage, sweat stains prominent under the armpits of his Hawaiin shirt.


At press time, the attending obstetrician is mouthing "this is fucked up" to nurses upon hearing his patient moan: "Uncle Dave, this hurts."


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